I’m on my second reading of the book Wild Goose Chase, Reclaim the Adventure of Pursuing God by Mark Batterson. (Yes, it’s good; yes, you should read it.) He writes about six ‘cages’ that keep us from living the spiritual adventure God destined us to.
Near the end of the chapter for coming out of the cage of guilt, he writes:
Sin – Grace = Guilt
Sin + Grace = Gratitude
The grace of God is the difference between drowning in guilt and swimming in gratitude. When your spiritual reflexes have been reconditioned by the grace of God, it frees you up to come out of the cage of guilt and chase the Wild Goose.(1)
In the self-reflection questions at chapter’s end, the last one was “If you could see Jesus face to face and ask Him to recommission you, freeing you from your guilt and freeing you to follow Him, what would you say to Him?” The references to guilt, drowning, and swimming reminded me of something from my kiddo days and how applicable that is to Jesus days now, and so I answered…
Jesus ~ You’ve done unbelievably much to have me, to free me from everything to be fully Yours. My head knows, but my heart doesn’t act like it believes it a lot of the time; that unbelief feels like I’m not grateful and not living the obedient, abundant life You designed for me. You’ve given me many opportunities to walk free and leave the old and the guilt and the burdens behind… keep helping me to walk in Your way, it’s what I really want. Thank You for the incalculable price You paid for me to be free!
You know how when I was young and taking swimming lessons and to pass the course, I had to jump into the deep end and use the skills I’d learned in the shallows where my feet could touch bottom? Yet over multiple iterations of lessons, I would never jump into the deep and so I technically failed “beginning swimming” over and over.
I actually HAD learned some swimming things: when to take a breath, how to hold it or let it out, the various arm and leg motions. But when I needed to use these the most, I didn’t have the confidence that I could and not drown while trying.
I was afraid.
The fear made me feel like I had no swim knowledge at all. If I knew I couldn’t stand on the solid pool bottom if my swimming skills failed, or if I got tired, or if I freaked and just wanted to quit, then I didn’t want to jump at all. I wanted a way out just in case. I felt like it was all me alone in the deep… but I couldn’t depend on me. The fear was busy what-iffing all the death scenarios that might play out if I took the plunge. Like the disqualification that guilt makes us feel sometimes.
Jesus, You ARE my deep end. I don’t have to rely on me but You; You never leave me all alone in the deep. The full measure of faith You’ve given equips me to jump and quenches all the fiery darts of fear that make me run from falling headlong into You… the lifter of my head, the one who upholds by Your strong right hand. I don’t want a way out, I want Your way. You’ve taught me a lot in the shallows; I want to immerse fully in You now, in Your trust and Your grace, and swim—really swim, no tippy-toes—growing stronger in Your faithfulness, to glorify and obey and show others they can be in You too.
Grace-covered, not guilty; faith-filled, not afraid.
Fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.
~ Isaiah 41:10
(1)Wild Goose Chase, page 115.
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image by rosie kerr on unsplash